Friday, May 2, 2008

"For The Girl I Used To Be"

It's been a while.

A solitary person, silhouetted against the brightening skyline. She breathed in deeply, taking in the smells she used to smell everyday, cherry blossoms and cinnamon rolls. There was not another person around for as far as she could see. Or maybe there was. Yet whether there was or was not, she was not seen. But how she strived to be seen, to be heard. Deepest yearning poured out of her. But no one heeded her calls.

It's been a while. Since i walked these streets. Since i listened to the sound of children dancing in the gardens. Since i felt the cool breeze on my face, leaves rustling around my feet.

She was still beautiful. Her hair hung loosely around her shoulders, her eyes dark and smoky, her clothes the epitome of perfection. Yet her hair had long lost its shine, her eyes had long lost its twinkle.

I had always been on the inside looking out. But i guess now i'm on the outside looking in. I had always been in control of what my life was about. But i've lost everything.

She reached that corner. The corner where everything she had was torn away from her. Maple Street. Kings Road. That intersection was the last memory she had ever had. The stark whitness of the letters against that deep green. But remarkably, she had no hatred when she looked at those signs. She felt no fury, no anger, no rage.

I guess this place holds some meaning. Yet i cant feel it. Do i have no feelings anymore? No emotions? Have they all disappeared like everything else in my life? I see the curb. The curb where i took my last steps. I see the club. The club where i last had any fluids. That strawberry-banana smoothie. I can still taste it on my tongue, it's as if no time has passed. But it's been a while.

[Kathy]

Labels:

i'm missing you guys at 9:11 PM
14 stars were shining bright even without the moon