Sunday, June 8, 2008

Her head was filled with angry fights, disappointed faces, confused thoughts. She observes the past and wonders, what went wrong? Was I the one who caused all this? Her past, present, future, her life, was a jumbled up jigsaw puzzle that seemed impossible to put together. Disappointment and regret seemed to be the only emotions flooding through her these days. All she had, everything, everyone, was lost.

She had lost the courage to look up into her parents' faces. The very faces that had once sported bright smiles, the very mouths that had congratulated her for that A on that test, the very ears that had once drunk all her complaints. Now those faces made her heart throb with pain, a simple glance opening the gates for the tears to flow.

They've given up on me. The ones I had always admired, depended on, strived to impress. I'm just a failure to them. I never meant to do them wrong, I never meant to bring this mess into their lives.

Those closest to her had disappeared. Those who had once been her support, were now just a distant light of hope: unreachable.

She had long lost the smile on her lips, the spark in her eyes, the will to do anything. She walked the halls, surrounded by a sea of people, yet she never felt more alone. The arms jostling her, the cheerful laughs, the sight of people chatting at the lockers; just memories, hazy memories that she had to drag out from the depths of her mind. Her friends, had always been by her side, had comforted her when things had reached rock bottom. Now, just hanging around them seemed to suck out all her energy, leaving her with just an empty shell.

They make excuses, I can see that under the inviting faces they put on that they just really want me gone. Gone so that I can pull myself together, to find the one I used to be. But who was that person? I'm searching, almost desperately. I want my life back, I want to be who I used to be, I want my friends, my family. I cant let one thing destroy my life completely. But it already has. I would give anything to be able to regain what I had.

She searches for that escape, the escape that will let her run away from all of this. But she know it'll never come. She searches for those wings, wings that can carry her away from all this sorrow and despair, so that she can fly high above it and never go back. Now is when she needs her survival instinct, to pull her out of that abyss. The darkness suffocating her. How she wished that there would be a hand to be her rope, hope to be her light. But there was none. She's sinking. Farther and farther, until no one can help her, and she has to depend on herself. But how can she when she doesn't even know where she's gone?

She commands her legs to function, her brain to think, to guide her out of this web of trouble. Then she'll find it. Where she stands, what her purpose is. Her life. The only hope she has now is to believe. Believe that one day, someday, she'll find the way to put the pieces of her life together, to make the puzzle whole. And she'll she the picture. The picture that illustrates her stance, her purpose, her life. And she only needs one person: herself. No one else.

All she has to do now is to wait. The day will come.

Believe.

Labels: Writing

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